It Doesn't Matter
by KaGoMiAkA
Summary: One Shot. Inuyasha realizes Kagome's Worth. I don't own Inuyasha andor the song “It Doesn't Matter” - Alison Krauss & Union Station- Please Read and Review. Thanks.


It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Don't matter if I bleed  
You've been on a road  
  
Don't know where it goes or where it leads  
  
It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
If you've made up your mind to go  
I won't beg you to stay  
You've been in a cage  
Throw you to the wind you fly away  
  
It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Don't matter if I bleed  
  
Feel the sting of tears  
  
Falling on this face you've loved for years  
  
"It Doesn't Matter" - Alison Krauss & Union Station-  
  
Inuyasha looked around sadly. It was dank and muddy everywhere. The sky was gone in it's place were dark clouds and violent rain. Rain made his silver hair mold to his face and clothes. His clothes to his skin. It soaked him to the bone, yet he didn't care. He couldn't care. His emotions were so highstrung that caring had flown out the window and all he could do was stand and let the water wash his grief.  
  
His Grief. Also known as Kikyo. She was alive, but not. Dead, but real. It was all too much. Why could peace not have been hers? Why was she stuck in a fake body with a tattered soul.  
  
As tears made their way down his face mixing and mingling with the rain. He shivered and realized that he wasn't so numb after all. The rain was making him cold.  
  
*Why won't you come now, Inuyasha? Why delay the inevitable and lead on that incorrigible girl? My mere shadow is all you wish to stay with when you owe me everything.*  
  
Inuyash winced as he remembered the harsh words. The words that made his very heart ache with guilt and regret. He felt himself shiver more and the thought of seeking shelter skid across his thoughts.  
  
*Look at yourself? Soaked to the bone! Now you'll catch cold! Inuyasha come inside right now!*  
  
He felt himself warm at the thought of her. She cared for him. Her concern only outweighed by her friendship could give him feelings he never experienced. Kikyo painted him a picture of the ideal future. One with a wife and family. Kagome showed him it readily.  
  
Kikyo had to have him as a human. Kagome did it without asking anything of him. Kagome had gotten him companionship and friendship and. Love. Nothing had she asked in return.  
  
He asked everything of her: her powers, her courage, to sacrifice her life, family and friends. As Kikyo had asked of him, he forced on Kagome. Wincing again at the comparison Inuyasha headed towards the cottage.  
  
The day had been like any other. They were recovering from a battle with a serpent demon who held two shards and he sensed Kikyo's presence.  
  
*Inuyasha where are you going?  
-Kikyo's around. I must speak with her.-  
Inuyasha? Are you alright?*  
  
He left her without the slightest answer but he knew she knew of his destination. She always did. There was this hopelessness in her eyes whenever the subject of Kikyo was brought up or even hinted at.  
  
Her shining eyes would dull and there was a sort of calm and unwavering look about her eyes. As if she knew and was resigned to the fate of being left behind.  
  
Inuyasha growled in anger. She didn't deserve that! She deserved someone free to love her without restraint. Someone as carefree and noble as she deserved. Someone who could kiss her and hold her. Someone that could comfort her when he ran off to Kikyo.  
  
Inuyasha cringed at the thought of Kagome in the arms of another man. The man began to have faces: Koga, Hojo, anyone but him. A stab of pain hit his heart, like a hand squeezing it. Why must he be so confused.  
  
He knew his own feelings. He loved Kagome. He would only and always love Kagome. Her smile, courage, warmth. All of her was in every way his mate and he hated himself for loving her. He knew she loved him. He knew she surrendered her life to help him on this journey.  
  
He also knew futility. For no matter how much they loved eachother it would never be enough. He had Kikyo. She had an entirely different world.  
  
What cruel fate forced them to meet and love and yet hold that tantalizing and tempting future out only to crush it with reality. It seems only in wishes and dreams would they be together.  
  
*I like hearing about your life Inuyasha...I want to know all of you *  
  
It was about this time Inuyasha realized that he stood infront of Kaede's hut. He took a sloggy step forward listening to the squilch of his clothing. He was about to open the door, reached out a hand to do it when Kagome opened the door.  
  
Her concerned gaze met his and it's luminous sheen burned him to the very center of his nerves. Had she been crying?  
  
He hoped to every power imaginable that that wasn't the case. He hated causing her pain.  
  
"Where have you been? Are you alright? Look at you your soaked!"  
  
She grabbed hold of his hoari and tugged him into the hut. She stripped him of his outer robe and toweled out his hair. She was extra gentle and mindful of his ears.  
  
He sat in wonder as she silently cared for him as if he would usually go walking in a monsoon and return drenched.  
  
"I'm sorry"  
  
It was meek and quiet. He hated the sound of it, but he knew she deserved such honesty. She deserved the world on a platter served to her by him. But people rarely got what they deserved.  
  
She stopped in her making tea for him and smiled at him. Her smile that seemed made for him. She may smile quite a bit but she had as many smiles as stars in the sky. This one smile was only given to him. She never bestowed it on anyone else.  
  
"Thank you"  
  
He was thankful. Thankful to have met her. Thankful to know her. Thankful for her unhindered love. As selfish as he knew it was he hoped she never stopped loving him. Even if he went to hell with Kikyo and left her alone, or he died in battle, or. anything. He hoped through all that her love wouldn't waver. That she would remember him for the man that he would always want her to remember.  
  
He hoped she would see all his emotions. He prayed that his feelings were interpreted through his eyes. All the words he couldn't confess or mumble outloud. He hoped that she knew he was thankful for everything.  
  
Her smile. Her love. Her life.  
  
She seemed to read his sould before smoothing back a piece of his hair from his eyes and kissing him on the cheek. The kiss warmed him through as quick as lightning and he trembled with suppressed emotions. She didn't quite pull away. She moved her lips to his ear and whispered huskily:  
  
"It doesn't matter." 


End file.
